Thoughts on being pregnant...

Just some things I've noticed the past few weeks:

I have reclaimed my childhood habit of dumping out the Frosted Mini-Wheats and picking out the most frosted ones to put in my bowl. Then after all the decently frosted ones are gone (which is about half the box), I have no desire to eat the rest.

I am not yet showing, which is something I consider a blessing from God, and my belly fat, especially since I am almost 5 months (I am 18 weeks)!

My ultrasound is scheduled for two weeks from yesterday, so Thursday, July 8th. I am getting very anxious to see the creepy/adorable little outline of my baby, and find out the sex (even though I am almost positive it's a boy). Speaking of boys, I have narrowed down the first name for that gender to Gabriel.

The mood swings that are typical to pregnancy, not to mention my everyday life (it's so fun being me), or as I like to refer to it, pregnancy insanity, have been manageable and almost nonexistent since I started taking that blessed little blue pill, Prozac.

I am getting quite irritated with people constantly asking me if I am going to keep this baby. SO STOP! As of right now, the answer is YES, THIS BABY IS MINE FOREVER. Also, I couldn't care less about your opinions or advice, since this decision is going to affect the rest of MY life (and of course, the baby's), NOT yours, so stay out of it! Yeah, you can say you only have my and my baby's best interest at heart, but that's a poor excuse, and I don't want to hear it, because it's like saying that I DON'T have our best interests at heart. Which leads me to say HOW DARE YOU. (To those of you reading this who have been nothing but supportive, this is not aimed towards you, it is a rant of emotions that I have bottled up towards people that think it is okay to question my sanity/responsibility/maturity/ability to be a good mother (this last one irks me the most, because anyone who knows anything about me knows I am going to be a GREAT mom.), and think it is okay to tell me how to live my life, as if they know how to do that better than me.)

One of the reasons I feel that parenting is the right way to go this time, is that I actually FEEL like a mother this time. When I was pregnant with Miya, I was completely at peace with my decision to relinquish her for adoption; also, I felt very little motherly instinct towards her before and after she was born. Don't get me wrong, I love her very much; she is my daughter. But somehow, my heart always knew that I was not her mother. This time, however, I am so in tune with my motherly instinct that just the thought of seeing my baby for the first time brings me to tears.

I have also given some significant thought to how I am going to raise this child, and I have come to the conclusion that there are two things I have deemed absolutely necessary to my child's life: unconditional love, and God. This being said, I know I already have the unconditional love part covered. I feel as if my heart would burst if there was any more love in it for this child inside of me. I know that I want to implement God into my child's life from the day he (ore she) is born (through praying out loud with him, bringing him to church, reading the Bible to him, and so on), but is has occurred to me that I need to get my own spiritual life on track long before I try to start sharing it with my child. I'm not really sure how to do that, but I am trying, by praying, reading my Bible, going to church, and writing in my prayer journal. Admittedly, I have not been doing this on a regular basis like I know I should be, and I think that is due to the most disturbing part of my lack of relationship with God so far; my once fiery passion for God has been nonexistent the past few months. It's like in that song "Rediscover You":
I need to just admit
My faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion
I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit
That the passion's gone
And I want to get it back...

Anyways, I'm tired and hungry (I can literally feel my blood sugar dropping), and I have a friend's open house tonight, so that's all I have to say for now. I will try to update regularly, and I know for sure that I will after my ultrasound. Until then, please pray for me, my baby, and my spiritual life.