Relationships.

Monday night I had a dream that I got married to my ex boyfriend. It was, by far, the best dream I have ever had. I saw him the next day and we had a short conversation for the first time in 3 years. I know he will never see this, so I don't mind saying on here that it made me miss him and that connection. He has a different girlfriend now, and I have moved on and healed from that relationship, but that doesn't mean I'm not nostalgic about it every once in a while. Actually, what I miss most is the friendship that we had even before we were going out.
I just read on facebook that my ex best friend is engaged. I introduced her to her fiance, but I doubt I'll get an invite to the wedding.
I'll be 20 this summer. My daughter will be 9 months old then. When everyone else is getting married and going to school, I am taking care of a newborn.  I would choose my daughter over a man every single time, obviously, and I love her so much. I just can't help but wonder when someone will propose to me? Or even ask me out? How many guys would not feel awkward about me bringing my baby with me on a date? I'm willing to wait, because I know I deserve to be valued. I know I deserve to be in relationships (friendships and otherwise) with people that treat me with respect, as an equal, not with people that look down on me as if they know better than I do (hence my "ex best friend").
Being a mother, I feel more like myself than at any other time in my life. I feel more whole, if that makes sense, as if this is what I was meant to do, to be. I have been forming new friendships lately, with the women in my MOPS group and people in the college group at church. It feels good to be in relationship with people that support me and respect me as an equal, no matter what the age difference. I guess my point in all of this is that I deserve more than what I was getting before, in reference to how people treat me, and that I will no longer tolerate being treated badly to keep the good parts of a relationship.