I am feeling like this for quite a few reasons. One of them is that when I brought Miya to church with me before the placement, it was announced that one of our leaders had her baby. Do not get me wrong, I am happy for her. But at the same time, there I was, sitting in the back of the room holding my daughter, thinking "HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?".
How insensitive can people be?!?! Just because I'm not married does NOT make my daughter any less of a miracle! And me? I chose life for her, and a family, didn't I? I made the right choice, and even though people tell me privately "Oh, you're so brave, you're such a hero", is it wrong for me to want a little bit of attention? To want this life that I brought into the world to be publicly celebrated? Like it is with everyone else who is not in my situation?
This is a post from a long time ago from my other blog (my birth mom's blog), and unfortunately, now that I have read it over again, I find that I still feel the same way about that situation. I have tried to forget about it, and most of the time I do, but every once in a while, it pops back into my head, and the more I think about it, the more irritated I get. I think part of the problem is that I never resolved it with any of the people (leaders) that I was mad at. Maybe if I try to do that, I will get some closure, and it will stop making me so angry...
On the other hand, I am afraid that I will get talked down, and it will still not get resolved. One of the people I am irritated with because of this is a very difficult person... most of the time I love him to death, but there are other times... when I could really just strangle him. Which is why part of me just wants to let it lie...
I don't know what to do... thoughts? Advice? If you know who I'm talking about, what would you do? Please leave me a comment, this has been an ongoing irritant for over a year now, and I really just want to stop thinking about it.
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