Genevieve's Blessing

Dear Genevieve,

Today is the day I dedicate you to the the Lord; the day I make a vow to raise you in the knowledge and love of the Lord. I promise to teach you to love Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul, and I pray that you will one day come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

When I chose the name "Genevieve", I did so because I wanted you to have a beautiful, unique, old-fashioned name. I later found that the meaning of your name is "White Wave". With this in mind, I hope that it will serve as a reminder to keep your faith as strong as the ocean's tides.

The day of your birth was the first snow of the year. I will always remember that as a symbol of your innocence and purity. I loved you so much on that day, and my love for you has only grown.

Galatians 5:22-23 says that the fruits of the Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. These are the qualities I hope to see you embody as you grow.

Finally, I want to give you a verse that I pray will direct your life. Psalm 42:1-2, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"

Sweet girl, may you ever pant and thirst for the living God.

Love,
Momma

The War is Over

Yes the war is over. I'm done fighting with myself. I'm going to take some really good advice that my cousin gave me:
"You'll get through this. No worries. God created a man just for you. Put your trust in Him and pray for Him to give you patience in your waiting. You will need to find a very tiny spot for a memory of this person in your heart, let go of your longing for him, and let it be the past. Then open your heart all the way for the one man that God created for you."

Dreams of Denial

You've been in my dreams of late. Good dreams. But as much as I enjoy them, I know they're only prolonging my pain. So much pain. I'm still grieving your love. I'm still in denial, waiting for the anger to come. I need the anger to come, because waiting and hoping for the what-if's to come true is just too painful. Anger for me means healing. I'm stuck in between denial and anger, not fully in either one, but not moving on.

Why did you do this to me? You made me fall and fall for you, and in the end you let me fall and chose her over me. I know this, but my heart doesn't. My heart fills my mind with fantasies of you coming back to me. 

My therapist says I need to push you out of my mind. I don't think I can do that, because that would mean letting go of the what-if's, letting go of the hope and possibility that you will come to your senses and realize that no one can love you more than I do. I don't think you or anyone else realizes how fully and completely I do love you. If you did, you wouldn't ask me to do the impossible task of letting you go.

I'm still dreaming. I hope to keep dreaming. I can't stop dreaming. Not yet.