You've been in my dreams of late. Good dreams. But as much as I enjoy them, I know they're only prolonging my pain. So much pain. I'm still grieving your love. I'm still in denial, waiting for the anger to come. I need the anger to come, because waiting and hoping for the what-if's to come true is just too painful. Anger for me means healing. I'm stuck in between denial and anger, not fully in either one, but not moving on.
Why did you do this to me? You made me fall and fall for you, and in the end you let me fall and chose her over me. I know this, but my heart doesn't. My heart fills my mind with fantasies of you coming back to me.
My therapist says I need to push you out of my mind. I don't think I can do that, because that would mean letting go of the what-if's, letting go of the hope and possibility that you will come to your senses and realize that no one can love you more than I do. I don't think you or anyone else realizes how fully and completely I do love you. If you did, you wouldn't ask me to do the impossible task of letting you go.
I'm still dreaming. I hope to keep dreaming. I can't stop dreaming. Not yet.
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