Just a thought.

So I was just thinking yesterday. I was kind of down, and I thought "What is wrong with me?"
Immediately following that thought, I imagined God saying "Everything. But I love you anyways."
This is a good thing to remember. Whenever I'm down or upset, when I think or say degrading things about myself, I can remember.
He loves me anyways.

Invisible

Sometimes I feel invisible. That's why I have such a hard time not seeking attention. I feel like no one will notice me if I don't. I don't get that unsolicited love and attention from anyone. And it makes me jealous and angry and frustrated. What makes me not good enough to receive love and affection and attention? Why are my acheivements not important enough to notice and acknowledge? It's not fair. I feel like the people I want to care the most are always preoccupied with something or someone else. No one pays attention to me! No one regularly asks how I'M doing, or how MY day has been! And the one's that do ask once in a while are so used to me having issues that they don't even notice when my answer is not "Fine". That, and they just don't care.
A couple of weeks ago a girl I know turned 16. Everyone that was around celebrated with her, with cake, candles, and a huge balloon that said "Princess" on it. Don't get me wrong, she is a great girl and she deserved it, but she is also perfect; tiny figure, pretty, and poplular. Anyways, it just reminded me that I'm turning 18 in a month. And no one would ever do that for me. It never has happened, and never will. And it's frustrating sometimes. It's frustrating not being noticed just because I'm not what the world wants to see.

Fake Nails and Football

If I ever wrote an autobiography, that would be the title. Yes, very random, I know, and not what this post is about.
I have put fake nails on a total of 2 times in my life. Both in the past 3 weeks. They looked really pretty. They were very inconvenient. I cut them to play guitar. Then my right thumbnail still fell off (well, more like it was ripped off by the strings) when I was playing. Then two more fell off when I was playing catch with a football, so I just ripped the rest off and put them in my pocket.
I love football. And (I think) I'm pretty good at it. I would be better if I was in shape. That is a goal. But I love throwing, catching, and running for the ball. It's a great feeling to be able throw as far (or almost as far) as most guys. It's fun to run and jump and feel the accomplishment of the ball in my hands after that effort. And yeah, I don't mind slamming into the wall a few times, even if I don't catch it. At least I gave it my best effort and didn't stand there and duck to protect my oh so (not) gorgeous face from that horrible thing called a football.
My point? Simply that I would rather take a few bruises from the ball and the wall and have fun doing what I love, than sit on the sidelines protecting fake nails that I have to tell people about for them to notice anyway. And it only took me one night to realize it :D.

**On a side note: I have absolutely nothing against girls that like fake nails and don't like football. This is just my preferance.

That's something God saved me from...

A few nights ago as I was falling asleep, my mind began to wander (as it often does). I began to think about what life would be like after high school. I don't know what I will be doing, and the future is very confusing as of right now, but I do know one thing for sure. I want to be involved in Youth Ministry. I can't be a part of High School Ministries until I've been out of high school for a couple years, but someone suggested to me recently that Middle School Ministries might be the thing for me until then. I like the idea, but I have no idea if it's what God wants me to do, so until then, I'm trying not to make any plans and/or set my heart on anything.

But as my mind was doing it's wandering thing, and I thought about being a part of MSM, I started to think about the type of role model I would be. Which led me to think about the questions I would get if I ever wore short sleeves around the students. Rest assured there are no new scars in the making, and there never will be again, but the old ones are still there, and mostly very obvious. The part that worries me is, how would I explain that to a middle schooler adequitely? As I was thinking about this, the words popped into my head, "That is something God saved me from". And maybe I would have to explain a little more in depth, but when I thought that, it seemed right.

But then I thought about Miya and Lil Bug. Would I say the same thing to them, when they are old enough to understand? Would it still be adequite to use that form of explanation for the ones I love? How much deeper will I have to explain? I don't know.
For now I am satisfied with the response God has given me. When the time comes to tell the girls (which may not be for a very long time), I'm sure He will provide me with what to say, whether different from the above or not.

Ummm... love? I think not...

Just an anouncement saying that I'm pretty sure whatever love bug/crush (whatever you want to call it)that I had, was just that, and is now pretty much gone, thank goodness (see last post). I still think he's incredibly hot, though.

I'm not sure what to do about this...

Okay, so I'm going to try to organize my thoughts. When I first wrote this, it was a very jumbled rant, and just getting my feelings out and down on paper.

Ever since Festival of Lights ended, I have felt bored and kind of sad when I'm not doing anything. I'm not even sure if that's the right way to describe it. I feel numb. I don't want to move. Or talk. Or eat, or sleep, or drink. I fight it with all of my energy. I don't dwell on the things that are bothering me (I don't address them either, and that might be part of the problem). I force myself to be interactive. Sometimes the urge to isolate overpowers me, though. And for the first time, it is a real need/want to be alone, and to get away from people, instead of wandering off to try to get people to follow, a.k.a. attention-seeking. I don't do that anymore (at least, I think I don't, I'm trying really hard not to).

There are quite a few things that are bothering me.
(1) I found out on Saturday that my aunt (my favorite aunt) has terminal cancer. They gave her 3-4 years, if all goes well.
(2) I think I'm starting to love someone. I DON'T WANT TO. I can't can't can't love someone right now.
(3) I am absolutely TERRIFIED of never acquiring the level of skill needed to play the music I hear in my head. I am afraid I will never be good enough (and that applies to more than just music).
(4) I hate my school. I almost cried getting on the bus yesterday.
(5) I am afraid I won't be able to go on the Winter Retreat, even with the scholarship (which only covers half). We simply don't have $55 (as my mother keeps telling me).

And on top of all that, I had a really bad day on Sunday, my favorite day of the week. I spilled pop all over my jeans in HSM. My toothpaste opened in my makeup bag. My (dad's) electric-acoustic stopped working, and I don't know what's wrong with it. During Missio Dei's lunch, ALL of my friends sat with my ex. I ate alone in the HSM room. Oh, and after all that, I spent almost 2 hours pretty much completely alone with a boy in the HSM room, discussing music. Which was kind of good and kind of bad. It was kind of good because he is one of the best guitarist's I know, I look up to him as a musician, and he usually never talks to me, so discussing music with him was awesome. It was kind of bad because he is the one I (think I) am starting to love, and talking to him, him identifying with me, and him treating me like I was someone worth talking to didn't help the attraction factor. In this situation, it is so WRONG for me to like him, love him, or be attracted to him.

But that's not the worst of it. That's not what is bothering me the most.

It's my music. I don't know what is wrong with me, and it's tearing me up and driving me so crazy I want to scream! I don't feel it any more. When I play, there is no joy. Just an overwhelming numbness and emptyness. I have tried forcing myself to play to reclaim the joy and peace that comes with playing. It's not coming. Sometimes I stop in the middle of a song, and stare into space for an extended period of time. I just can't keep playing. It's torture! Music is my life! It used to fill me up, and now there is nothing, I don't feel anything but hollow when I play. No love, joy, peace, excitement. I feel like my music has died somehow. I need someone to tell me what's wrong!

Happy New Year!

So. It's 2009. I am experiencing a lot of emotions regarding that. Excitement. Content. Joy. A little bit of sadness. The biggest ones are peace and calm. Mostly because I know that God is in control, and I am at peace with whatever decisions He makes for my life.
Something I discovered on New Year's Eve was that being alone is not always the same as being out on my own. And although both have the potential to be incredibly lonely, they don't have to be. This was the first New Year I have spent on my own (not alone). My cousin drove me downtown after dropping off her baby at my house for my mom to babysit. I helped her with her hair at her house, and then we went our seperate ways. I walked about a mile to Rosa Park's Circle, listened to the local band for about an hour, and watched the ball drop. All in all, rather mundane. The only sense of excitement for me was in the fact that I was on my own (and trusted to be, my mom didn't have a problem with it). When the ball reached the bottom, the countdown reached zero, and everyone cheered "Happy New Year!", I whispered quietly to myself, and to God, "Happy New Year...". I walked in silence through yells, cheers, and screams all around me, with a sense of peace and excitement about what was in store. Because as the countdown reached the end, and I whispered those words, I made the final, and official decision about something I and others had been praying about for about a month. This is the statement/contract type thing I wrote and signed regarding my decision.


I, Nicole Bjork, commit to not dating or being in a relationship with any person of the opposite gender until my sophomore year of college.

Dating and/or being in a relationship includes and is defined as: spending time alone with someone of the opposite gender as more than a friend; going out with a group with the specific intention of spending time with/seeing one person of the opposite gender as more than a friend; anything more than friendship with anyone of the opposite gender.

My sophomore year of college is defined as not starting until the completion of my first class day of that year.

x_Nicole Bjork___




Hope everyone has a great year!

Random Musings and Realizations

So, I've decided to start a series of posts that don't really have a purpose, except to give a glimpse into my smaller random thoughts, that, while somewhat insignificant compared to the larger ideas and issues I usually post about, will hopefully give some insight into the unique workings of my mind and the randoms thoughts that I have throughout the day, on a daily basis. (wow, that was a long sentence.) This is the first post of this kind.
I have discovered that I am a wanderer. And that I do it most in the places I spend the most time in. School and church, mostly. I don't do it at home, and I don't know why, I will have to think about that. I do know it gives me a sense of peace, comfort, and calm. It eases the restlessness that sometimes threatens to overwhelm me. I have noticed though, that I have done it so much, it has become a habit over the years, become a part of my everyday life. It is such a habit that now I still do it (without thought) during times when, in hindsight, it would have benefited me much more to stay in one place and participate. I realized this only after my youth group's most recent monthly gathering, SNO (Sunday Night Open), where we get together and play games and hang out. Usually during this, I give in to my habit, and aimlessly walk, not staying at one place or activity more than five or ten minutes. This past SNO, though, I sat down at one table, and played games with some people from my small group the entire time, up until the last ten minutes, in which I challenged a few people in Carpet Ball. This was beneficial to my ego, since I beat my youth pastor , and he is notorious for bragging about his skills in CB (although he does have a right to, he does have considerable skill in the stupid game).

Who does this remind you of?

I absolutely love this video, it makes me cry almost every time I watch it. This is the most AMAZINARY video ever!

His Presence in My Life

Where do I start? Well, He has placed me in a school that has forced me out of my comfort zone, and made me reexamine my priorities and lifestyle. The circumstances have me on my knees daily, sometimes hourly, praying for their lifestyles and also for strength and patience for myself to love them as Christ would and shine His light for them through my actions and words (mostly my actions). Also, it has let me experience first hand (to a small degree) the difficulties and challenges of Christian martyrdom. It has made me realize that I want to make a difference for Christ, not just try to get through life living the easy (fake) Christian lifestyle. It has also made realize that to do that, I have to be very very careful about the way I live my life.

He is teaching me to love those who hate me, and to love without judging (it’s not easy). He is teaching me that if I smile, I soon start to feel happy, and if I smile enough, it grows and grows, and I find that I can’t force my face back into a frown even if I want to (which I don’t). He is teaching me that love is patient, kind, and unfailing (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). He is teaching me to respond to persecution not with anger, but with love (1 John 4:7-8, 1 John 4:20). He is teaching me silence (Proverbs 29:11). He is teaching me not to judge (John 7:24). He is teaching me that I will always find strength and courage in Christ (2 Chronicles 32:7-8, Matthew 14:27, Hebrews 3:6). He is teaching me respect (Leviticus 19:3). He is teaching me the meaning of faith (Galatians 2:20, 1 Peter 1:6-9).

I maintain my relationship with Christ through doing daily devotionals. I study his word daily. Several times a day I am forced to my knees (figuratively and sometimes literally) in prayer. I try to make all of my decisions based on What Would Jesus Do? (I know it’s cliché, but it works for me, I’ve actually been trying to find a bracelet that says that, no luck yetL). I carry my Bible with me absolutely everywhere, along with a small paperback book called Armed and Dangerous- Straight Answers from the Bible that is filled with tons of helpful verses on dozens of topics relevant to today’s teens. It feels like I am constantly opening one of them, either for answers for others, or (more often) for answers and encouragement for myself. I have regular theological discussions (after school, of course) with one of my teachers that used to go to Calvary. I have been throwing myself into serving (see first page). I have at least 10 people that I have asked to help keep me accountable in everything that I do, and I know they will. Every time I am outside, I admire God’s beautiful creation. I smile at strangers to try to make their day brighter. I don’t watch unGodly movies, or listen to unGodly music. I stop myself from hearing gossip and slander by listening to praise and worship music on my CD player when the teachers aren’t talking, and the teachers are okay with that.

And finally, amazingly, wonderfully, for the first time in my (new) life, I feel like I am really living the life of a Jesus Freak! To quote Sunday’s video, I wake up every morning and I am so on fire for God that I feel like I am going to burst into flames! It’s as if my blood has been replaced by the Holy Spirit, and my heart is pumping it through my veins every second! It’s like being struck by lightning every morning, because I wake up and think ‘YES! I get to live today for God!’! This is my life how I have always wanted it to be, and I’m not going to let it change!

I was going to use this for my Gathering Worship Band audition form thingy, until I decided that this was not the year for me to do it, for obvious reasons of busyness.

Why do I still feel this way.....?

Slightly bitter, but more sad

I am feeling like this for quite a few reasons. One of them is that when I brought Miya to church with me before the placement, it was announced that one of our leaders had her baby. Do not get me wrong, I am happy for her. But at the same time, there I was, sitting in the back of the room holding my daughter, thinking "HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?".
How insensitive can people be?!?! Just because I'm not married does NOT make my daughter any less of a miracle! And me? I chose life for her, and a family, didn't I? I made the right choice, and even though people tell me privately "Oh, you're so brave, you're such a hero", is it wrong for me to want a little bit of attention? To want this life that I brought into the world to be publicly celebrated? Like it is with everyone else who is not in my situation?



This is a post from a long time ago from my other blog (my birth mom's blog), and unfortunately, now that I have read it over again, I find that I still feel the same way about that situation. I have tried to forget about it, and most of the time I do, but every once in a while, it pops back into my head, and the more I think about it, the more irritated I get. I think part of the problem is that I never resolved it with any of the people (leaders) that I was mad at. Maybe if I try to do that, I will get some closure, and it will stop making me so angry...
On the other hand, I am afraid that I will get talked down, and it will still not get resolved. One of the people I am irritated with because of this is a very difficult person... most of the time I love him to death, but there are other times... when I could really just strangle him. Which is why part of me just wants to let it lie...

I don't know what to do... thoughts? Advice? If you know who I'm talking about, what would you do? Please leave me a comment, this has been an ongoing irritant for over a year now, and I really just want to stop thinking about it.

The Honor Academy

As many of you already know, I have often expressed my interest in attending the Honor Academy, whose main campus is in Texas (yeah, I know, that's pretty far from Michigan).I added a link to their website. I also added a link to Google maps from my house to HA. It is precisely 1,072 miles, which amounts to 16 hours and 48 minutes in time. Of course, that's not including stops to sleep, eat, and use the restroom. Yes, I know what you are all thinking... I'm still at least 2 years from graduating high school. But that doesn't mean I can't plan, hope, dream, and most importantly, pray, right? Which is what I have been doing. Everyday. I do not yet know a lot of what I would do if I end up going. These are the things I am unsure about (if I go):

1. Travel there:
   

• Driving alone
• Pros- more time to pray and spend with God, complete solitude for the longest period of time in my life, peaceful
  
• Cons- could get very lonely, possibility of insanity
• Driving with a friend
• Pros- would be lots of fun, wouldn't get lonely
• Cons- could get sick of each other, no alone time, how would they get back
  
• Driving with my little brother
• Pros- quality time with my little bro, could have so much fun, could strengthen our relationship, a great memory to look back on with him
• Cons- lots of responsibility on my part to take care of him (which I really wouldn't mind), could get annoying, could be a bad trip if he didn't behave, he could get bored

(I am highly considering taking my little brother, he would be about 13 1/2, and I think we would have a great time. I would raise the money to send him home on a plane. Also, if I did that, I would still have a ton of time to spend with God on the drive home for holidays.)

2. Going home for the holidays: (keep in mind, I don't know yet if I would even be allowed to go home for the holidays)

• Yes
• Pros- being with family, seeing my friends, seeing my daughter, going to my normal church, seeing my youth pastor
• Cons- expensive
• No
• Pros- spending time with peers, building stronger bonds with them, a complete oasis with God completely devoting the entire time to Him without breaks (I don't know if I explained that right...)
• Cons- loneliness for my family, friends, and home church, won't see my daughter

I will probably add more later.

This is the list of things I would need:

• Lots of money saved up (obviously), or a scholarship (in which case I would still need lots of money saved up for other expenses)
  
• A car
• A laptop
• Probably some new clothes that fit
• Cell phone
  

Sticks And Stones Can Break My Bones, But Words Will Only Make Me Hold On Harder To My God (just try to take me down, I dare you)

So, once again, I am writing to you about the school situation. It seems that the same girl from the previous post has been recruiting... there are now 2-3 girls that find it hilarious to spout off "Jewish pimp" "Jesus was a pimp" or "Jesus was a Jewish pimp" when ever they are in the vicinity of me. I have been doing very well ignoring them. I don't even scowl. I force myself to keep my expression calm, and I act like I don't hear them. I have considered telling the principle, but I will not give them the satisfaction of thinking that they got to me. Therefore, this is all I will say for now:

"Revolution"

If I'm here all alone
If I'm left behind
If they spit in my face
If they hate my kind

I will rise above
I will live for love
I will answer to the call
For the bond between
For the depth unseen
For my God forsake it all

'Cause I'm a fire
I'm a flood
I'm a revolution
I am a war
Already won
I'm a revolution

When the world is at war
When the grace is gone
When the hungry lay dead
While the rich live on

Here I stand
Open hands
Waiting for You
I won't back down
I'll live to speak Your truth

"Jesus Freak"

[What will people think
when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak?
What will people do
when they find that’s its true? ]

Separated, I cut myself clean
From a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams
Been apprehended by a spiritual force
And a grace that replaced all the me I’ve divorced

I saw a man with tat on his big fat belly
It wiggled around like marmalade jelly
It took me a while to catch what it said
Cause I had to match the rhythm
Of his belly with my head
Jesus saves is what it raved in a typical tattoo green
He stood on a box in the middle of the city
And claimed he had a dream

(chorus)
What will people think
When they hear that I’m a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that its true
I don’t really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There aint no disguising the truth

Kamikaze, my death is gain
I’ve been marked by my maker
A peculiar display
The high and lofty, they see me as weak
Cause I wont live and die for the power they seek

There was a man from the desert with naps in his head
The sand that he walked was also his bed
The words that he spoke made the people assume
There wasn’t too much left in the upper room
With skins on his back and hair on his face
They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate
The Pharisees tripped when they heard him speak
Until the king took the head of this Jesus freak

(repeat chorus 2x)

People say I’m strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger
People say I’m strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger

(repeat chorus 2x)

What will people think
[what will people think]
What will people do
[what will people do]
I don’t really care
[what else can I say]
There aint no disguising the truth
[Jesus is the way]

I shall love my enemies...

I have maybe two friends at school. One for sure, but the rest... I don't want to say they are all my enemies, but they are surely not my friends. Quite a few people have already expressed their disgust in me because of my faith. One girl in particular was recently talking to a group of people in the lunch line about how (she thinks) Jesus was a "pimp". I turned around and proclaimed for all to hear that JESUS WAS SINLESS. She looked at me with hatred distorting her face, and said "No, Jesus was a pimp."
For a few seconds I struggled with what to do, but decided on keeping quiet. I knew that starting an argument would not have been Christ-like. But I was angry. Strangely, though, sadness was the dominant emotion, not anger. I ate my lunch in silence (alone, as usual), fighting back tears and wondering if I had done the right thing. I decided to call my youth pastor on the office phone, and I told him what happened. The tears came out as I tried to explain how sad I felt for Jesus. My pastor assured me that I had done the right thing in walking away. He prayed for me, and we ended the call. I felt immense peace when we said the word "Amen".
The next class went without incident, but then that same girl came to me, and with all the disgust and condescension she could muster in her face and voice, she said "You're weird." I walked away. I was getting ready to walk home (there were still two classes left in the day), tears streaming down my face, when I stopped myself and thought. If I let them know that they can get to me like that, they will keep doing it. Also, if I give up because of something so simple and stupid, how is that representing Jesus? So I wiped my tears, bowed my head, and prayed, right there in the middle of the hall. And I let Jesus be my strength. I'm so grateful no students saw my weakness.
Then, this morning on the bus, the same girl, once again, started talking about how Jesus was a pimp. She knew I could hear her, and I think she did it to try to antagonize me. I ignored her. I started thinking about how alone I am at this school. I think I am the only Christian here, except certain teachers. Since it is illegal for teachers to discuss their faith with students during school, I have often stayed after school later (since I walk home anyways) to talk to them. With one teacher in particular, it always turns into a theological discussion, which I love, because I don't get those very often. (He also shares the same views about Rob Bell as me).
Anyways, as I was thinking about being alone in my faith, the song Whispers in the Dark by Skillet came on my CD Player. These are the lyrics:

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is a burning, consuming fire

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark

You feel so lonely and ragged
You lay there broken and naked
My love is just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses

I will be the one that's gonna find you
I will be the one that's gonna guide you
My love is a burning, consuming fire

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear the whispers in the dark
No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark

So I picked my head up, looked towards the sky, and prayed. Just a few minutes ago, I looked in my book Armed and Dangerous: Straight Answers from the Bible. I looked up "enemies". This is what I found:

Proverbs 16:7
When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,
he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.

Romans 12:17-19
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

Luke 6:28-29
bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.

Matthew 5:43-44
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Luke 6:37
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Hebrews 13:6
So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Deuteronomy 28:7
The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.

Psalm 60:12
With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies.

Psalm 97:10
Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

TO ALL THOSE WHO HATE ME, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. TO ALL THOSE WHO SIN AGAINST ME, I WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE YOU. THAT BEING SAID..... I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME, BUT DO NOT INSULT, MY GOD, MY BEST FRIEND.

Love,
Sirhk

I'm not trying to be a hero...

3:30pm Anonymous

Hey Nicole! How are you?

3:32pm Nicole

I’m good, you?

3:32pm Anonymous

I’m doing well. No complaints lol.

How’s school going?

3:33pm Nicole

It’s pretty good, really easy, if you're talking about the curriculum

3:34pm Anonymous

That’s good. Is it really boring then or is it still interesting even though it's easy? And are you at Northpointe again?

3:35pm Nicole

No, I’m at Northview alternative, yeah, it’s still interesting, but mostly I like talking to the teachers, the kids there are really.... how to put it.... um

Well, most of them are drug- addicts or sluts or both, they make fun of God/ Jesus, and me, everyday,

Because of my faith, I have been very open about my relationship w/ Jesus, and they condemn me for it. But I am trying my very very best to just love them like Jesus would and be a witness to them

3:38pm Nicole

Oh, sorry, that was kind of a lot to dump on you, lol

3:40pm Anonymous

Wow. That’s sounds really tough but I’m so proud of you. I hope this will really equip you to do what God has in store for you. Don’t you want to do something in ministry? Though hard this will inevitably be something that will hopefully enable you to be incredibly effective and powerful doing God's work. I’ll definitely be praying for you.

And don't worry about it.

But I’m so glad that you feel strong enough to stand up for who you are and what you believe in. those kids needs God's light in a very real way

And I firmly believe that you are that light to them everyday

3:41pm Nicole

Wow, how did you know, I have wanted to be in youth ministry and be a part time missionary ever since I got saved

Lol, thanks

I’m trying

3:45pm Anonymous

Well I think you shared some of those thoughts with me this summer. But yeah... as much as it is hard and I can't even begin to understand it all and the pain and hurt that you might feel, I don't believe that you are there for no reason. I know that God has a reason for you to be there - and it may be so that you can be God's light to all those students there. And also so that you can take those experiences with you and hopefully be better prepared to work with kids in similar situations later

3:46pm Nicole

Yeah, it’s going to be a great year, I can really feel God's Holy Spirit in me! Have you read my note? Read it, it will explain a lot :)

3:47pm Anonymous

I’ll do that! I’m so happy for you. I'm really praying for you.

3:50pm Nicole

Thank you :) I appreciate it

3:53pm Nicole

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=82142355077&id=550330435&index=0

3:53pm Anonymous

Thanks!

3:55pm Anonymous

Nicole that's really awesome! Keep it up and God will definitely do awesome things through you as he is doing right now. You are an encouragement to me!

4:04pm Nicole

:D

4:05pm Nicole

Thanks... you have no idea how happy that makes me, I never thought I’d be an encouragement to someone just because of that :P

4:06pm Anonymous

It is an encouragement. It’s awesome to see someone with awesome ambition for Christ.

4:06pm Nicole

Aww, you are going to make me cry :)

4:07pm Anonymous

Oh don't do that. But stay strong girl. And live out your faith. Pray daily. And know that people care

4:08pm Nicole

I do :D

I'm not trying to be a hero or anything; I’m just trying to live my live for God the best way I know how

4:10pm Anonymous

And I really hope you keep that in mind. It’s not about you. It’s about God and the work he has for you. That’s one thing I’m working on too.... it's never about me. It’s always about others.

That was a convo with my friend, i think it explains a lot.

Love,
Sirhk