Birthdays

There are 8 birthdays surrounding me from now through September (that I know of), including mine. There is my Aunt Jeannie, Angie, Lil Bug, my cousins Jessica and Jenny, Jordan's son Judah, me, and Miya.
So I will be turning 18 in 1 month and 4 days. Crazy, right? I think so. I had forgotten about it until a few days ago, at which point I panicked about how close it was and how quickly it was coming up. I have been longing for this for the past year. It marks the ownership date of many privelages and rights. Like having a driver's lisence. Being able to vote. Being able to sign a lease in my own name. Being able to own a debit/credit card. But most of all, just being an ADULT. Being free.
I am excited and terrified at the same time. As said in Spiderman "With great power comes great responsibility". I am excited that I will have the freedom to do all those things, but I am fearful of how I will handle it. I can't even remember to do my own laundry on a regular basis! The only solution (short of killing myself before I turn 18- don't worry, I won't) is to take charge of my life and throw in some discipline . It won't be easy. I'm such a lazy bones. The good thing is, I've already started. For about a week now, I've been going for a run and working out every other day, whether I want to or not. Like I said. Discipline.
The other thing I have to worry about is Miya's birthday. She's turning 2! This problem comes in two stages; first I have to work on and perfect her present, which is not going to be easy- and I have to worry about what her birthday's going to be like. I'm not going to talk about the present, since I'm fairly certain Angie will read this before next month.
Last year her birthday was great- we met at Noodles and just hung out and talked, gave our presents, and ate pasta and cake. It was a really good time. Since then, our visits have been less than the previous year, due to scheduals and what-not. Miya is very mobile and active, and is no longer in the held-all-the-time stage. These combined means that in recent visits it has felt somewhat awkward. I sit and talk to Angie, and play with Lil Bug, but there is little interaction with Miya. I don't want to force it. She doesn't know me and I don't know her. And it's not anyone's fault... but it hurts. It hurts so that I once thought to just stop trying. Not that I EVER would. But the thought did occur. Not as a plan thought, more of a feeling thought, if that makes any sense. I just want to hold her again....
Anyways, those are the great things that occupy my thoughts lately. Yay for birthdays.

That's something God saved me from...

A few nights ago as I was falling asleep, my mind began to wander (as it often does). I began to think about what life would be like after high school. I don't know what I will be doing, and the future is very confusing as of right now, but I do know one thing for sure. I want to be involved in Youth Ministry. I can't be a part of High School Ministries until I've been out of high school for a couple years, but someone suggested to me recently that Middle School Ministries might be the thing for me until then. I like the idea, but I have no idea if it's what God wants me to do, so until then, I'm trying not to make any plans and/or set my heart on anything.

But as my mind was doing it's wandering thing, and I thought about being a part of MSM, I started to think about the type of role model I would be. Which led me to think about the questions I would get if I ever wore short sleeves around the students. Rest assured there are no new scars in the making, and there never will be again, but the old ones are still there, and mostly very obvious. The part that worries me is, how would I explain that to a middle schooler adequitely? As I was thinking about this, the words popped into my head, "That is something God saved me from". And maybe I would have to explain a little more in depth, but when I thought that, it seemed right.

But then I thought about Miya and Lil Bug. Would I say the same thing to them, when they are old enough to understand? Would it still be adequite to use that form of explanation for the ones I love? How much deeper will I have to explain? I don't know.
For now I am satisfied with the response God has given me. When the time comes to tell the girls (which may not be for a very long time), I'm sure He will provide me with what to say, whether different from the above or not.